Button Up!

Several sexy scandals reveal our region’s prudish side

Maybe It Would’ve Been Allowed in Fremont
A band of happy nudists got burned last May when their monthly group swims at the Ballard pool were shut down on a technicality. Seattle Parks and Recreation told the Seattle-based Body Freedom Collaborative (which promotes “naturist” activities) that lifeguards had to be at least 21 years old to supervise nude swims. Like lifeguards everywhere, the Ballard lifeguards were younger than 21, and no of-age applicants could be found to replace them. For the 30–70 skinny-dippers who had been showing up at every swim, it was a serious wet blanket.

Isn’t That What They Meant by “Bedroom Community”?
In another blow to questionable group nudity, husband and wife Regan “Draco” Lane-Smith and “Naughty” Nonah Elliston were forced to cease the swinger/S&M parties they had been throwing at their Des Moines home. After outfitting their six-bedroom rental house with 15 mattresses, sex swings, erotic photo sets and bondage apparatuses (and throwing parties that regularly drew upward of 60 guests), the sex-positive partiers were cited for running a business without a license. (As if that weren’t disturbing enough, the couple argued they merely “took donations” at the door to help cover…sheet-washing costs.) The real crime? The name they christened their pad: “Hardwood Cabin.”

You Want Whip With That?
Continuing in the vein of the none too subtle, our region saw countless “sexpresso” stands, um, pop up over the last year, thanks to franchises like Cowgirls Espresso, Java Girls and Espresso Gone Wild. Featuring bikini- and lingerie-clad baristas serving frothy beverages, the daring drive-throughs have proved popular in most suburbs, but the stand that opened across from the Space Needle drew requests that the girls go demure. Apparently the mainly male latte traffic was giving the Needle competition for being the biggest phallic symbol in town.