The Four Emotional Food Groups of the Olympics

Because the closest most of us will ever get to the Olympics is eating in front of a television.
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Because the closest most of us will ever get to competing in the Olympics is eating in front of a television. Round out your Olympics-watching experience with these tantalizing food groups.

Strength + Glory
It’s got to feel great to be a Chinese diver or gymnast—in other words, to be so good that American TV cameras stop filming your victories out of spite.
Get a taste of it: Order like you’ve got a gold medal hanging around your neck right now. Get lost in a messy plate of BBQ ribs or classic hot dog; tackle the spiny sea urchin in delectable creamy pasta; spear an artisan sausage or two and finish it off with a high-brow protein power dessert that surely the Olympic gods enjoyed themselves: prosciutto with ripe melon. You'll feel invincible.

Sacrifice + Obsession
To be an Olympian is to struggle. Nobody becomes Venus Williams, Michael Phelps or Kerri Walsh overnight, nor without great pains. And consider, on top of the grueling training, you’ve got the irritation of silly swim cap rules and pink eye cramping your style at game time. Yet, somehow they go on.
Get a taste of it: Swear off all superfluous food items for the rest of the games (I dare you) and partake only in the following: Fresh, seasonal fruit, like these strange nectarcots; field greens; salad and, for that teensy reward after a long training day? Water cocktails.

Intoxicating Joy
Oh, to be in the room when Great Britain’s gymnasts got that silver medal, when Kazakhstan biked over the finish line, when France’s relay swim team redeemed themselves and when American youngsters Missy Franklin and Dana Vollmer snagged those gold medals. Sheer, tear-blind jubilation.
Get a taste of it: You’ve done what you came to do. Now get hog wild with spiked desserts; summer cocktails; anytime cocktails, wine cocktails and beer cocktails. For the under 21 athletes, it's an even more difficult choice: ice cream or cupcake-spiked ice cream!

Devastation + Pain
Face it: the moments of blistering high drama are why we watch—Jordan Wieber’s epic snub, the USA mens' gymnast team’s tragic fumble and Ryan Lochte’s tenth of a second miss. It’s almost unbearable! An entire career redefined or stunted because of a few decimal points; the difference between fame and obscurity decided by less than a second. When an Olympian falls, they tumble. And we can't look away.
Get a taste of it: There’s only one way to evoke pain when eating good food: turn up the heat! Try Mezcaleria’s spicy seafood stew,  a bowl of spicy chili or add a heap of zingy padron peppers to anything. Once the feeling returns to your mouth: drown your sorrows in a gooey, comforting hot cake and tell yourself there's always 2016.

p.s. Just for fun, find out your olympic body type