Duck Fart and Other Ill-Named Drinks Not to Serve the In-Laws

It's summer wedding season!
| Updated: November 27, 2018

Last week, we talked about how it’s wedding season, which means you're probably spending time with new family members like your in-laws. Since it's nice to serve your in-laws a tasty cocktail, I suggested four drinks to serve them. Now, it’s also good to know what drinks to avoid serving your in-laws. Some beverages may seem like a good idea when starting to plan your in-law cocktail hour, but trust me, none of these ill-named--albeit classics--below will make a good impression. But you should still know how to make them.

1. Monkey Gland
This is a classic drink; there's no denying it. Created way back when (in this case, the 1920s) at the legendary Harry's New York Bar in Paris by none other than Harry MacElhone himself, it’s pretty darn tasty. This still doesn’t mean it’s one for the in-laws. The name, and the perhaps dubious, but still reported, fact that it was named after the practice of grafting monkey testicles onto humans, mean you should stay far from it when in-laws are around.

Ice cubes

1-1/2 ounces gin (I say Voyager here)

1 ounce freshly squeezed orange juice

1/2 ounce Pacifique absinthe (sticking with Pacific Distillery)

1/4 ounce grenadine

1. Fill a cocktail shaker halfway full with ice cubes. Add everything. Shake well .

2. Strain through a fine strainer into a cocktail glass.

2. Duck Fart
Okay, I get it. You are a funny person! And perhaps the in-laws will be charmed by your at-times juvenilia. But even so, serving up your favorite silly-sounding shot from those collegiate years is not a good idea. Even if the shot is a bit pretty.

Ice cubes

1/2 ounce Crown Royal

1/2 ounce Kahlua

1/2 ounce Bailey’s Irish Cream

1. Fill a cocktail shaker halfway full with ice cubes. Add the Crown, shake well.

2. Strain the chilled Crown into a 1-1/2 ounce (or larger) shot glass.

3. Pour the Kahlua over a small spoon over the Crown (using the spoon to slow the descent of the Kahlua into the glass. You want there to be layers, and don’t want the liquors to mix together much).

4. Pour the Bailey’s over a small spoon over the Kahlua. Drink slowly or quickly, depending on mood or time in the evening.

3. Up in Mabel’s Room
As mentioned in the previous post, a little coy flirting in front of the in-laws in okay. And not a bad idea, even. Serving up a drink (even one from Dark Spirits) that conjures images of illicit moments when you and your spouse-to-be snuck up for a little amorous encounter (which this drink surely does) is not okay. Not okay at all.

Cracked ice

1-1/2 ounces rye (Woodinville Whiskey rye is good)

3/4 ounces freshly squeezed grapefruit juice

3/4 ounces Simple Syrup

1. Fill a cocktail shaker halfway full with cracked ice. Add the remaining ingredients. Shake exceptionally well.

2. Strain through a fine strainer into a cocktail glass. Then shut the door. Garnish with a knowing look (as long as the in-laws aren’t around).

4. Lover’s Moon
At first glance this drink, also from Dark Spirits, would seem to be a great option to serve when the in-laws are around. Very romantic. Not too sexy. Tasty. Friendly. But remember the age of most in-laws. They’re staunchly in the Glenn Frye (singer of the Eagles and solo artist) era. Some will know that his song about lost love shares a name with this drink. Don’t take the chance – stay away from this one.

Ice cubes

1-3/4 ounces bourbon (2bar Bourbon is dandy here)

1-1/2 ounces macadamia liqueur

1 ounce heavy cream

Maraschino cherry, for garnish

1. Fill a cocktail shaker halfway full with ice cubes. Add the bourbon, macadamia liqueur, and cream. Shake well.

2. Add a cherry to a cocktail glass. Strain the mix into the glass.