The Needling’s 2019 Year in Review: Seattle’s Biggest Breakups
Cue the Taylor Swift breakup songs
By The Needling
December 16, 2019
This article originally appeared in the December 2019 issue of Seattle Magazine.
This article appears in print in the December 2019 issue and is part of our of the Year in Review feature. Click here to subscribe.
WARNING: What you are about to read is not true, accurate or representative of Seattle magazine’s professional opinion, but it sure is funny.
Star-crossed REI CEO and Rival Outdoor Exec Elope in Matching Nordic Point II Interchange 3-1 Jackets (MSRP $199.99)
REI’s longtime CEO Jerry Stritzke resigned this year after his love affair with a rival outdoor executive was revealed. The star-crossed lovers eloped on a romantic Patagonia Multisport Adventure (member rate $5,399, nonmember $5,899) in the rugged countryside of Argentina. Stritzke was prepared to kneel down and propose to his mystery fiancée in all inclement weather conditions, wearing his waterproof Arc’teryx Zeta SL Rain Pants (available in men’s tall sizes).
Amazon Breaks Off Engagement with NYC, Seeks to Rekindle Fire with First Headquarters
After telling New York City it “needed more space” to explore other relationships, Amazon appears to be returning to Seattle, tail between one of its three Spheres. The move comes after Amazon abruptly terminated a short commitment to NYC, saying, “We grew apart.” Amazon’s relationship with Seattle is likely to remain complicated, however, as the company continues flirting with Washington, D.C., suburbs and even Seattle’s little sister city of Bellevue.
Fans Outraged as Beloved “Seattle Xboxes” Rebranded “Seattle Zulilys”
Die-hard soccer fans were stunned this year as their beloved Seattle Xboxes were callously rebranded the Seattle Zulilys, with no deference paid to the city’s sporting history. Fans were left with outdated jerseys and a taste of betrayal in their mouths, but an optimistic sect expressed gratitude that the team remained sponsored by the Sounders.
Mariners, Felix Hernandez Callously Uncouple
Although future Hall of Fame pitcher Felix Hernandez selflessly gave the Seattle Mariners 15 of his World Series–bearing years, the organization callously tossed him aside this year to pursue younger, more attractive talent. Felix fans are hoping he’ll settle in with a kindhearted team that finally appreciates him in his aging grace, sagging fastball and all.
The Art of Weathering Winter: How a gardener and a gallerist embrace the Seattle gray
Walk a Mile (or Twelve) In the Shoes of Ciscoe Morris and Tariqa Waters
By Annie Midori Atherton Trudging into midwinter, I sometimes find myself counting down the days to spring with the melodrama of a 19th-century sailor making scratches on the wall to mark how long I’ve been at sea. In an effort to enjoy the season more, I’ve been speaking with a diverse array of locals. What’s…
The Burien Effect
Recognition for a creative economy
Burien has evolved quite a bit since it detached itself from King County rule and incorporated as its own city almost three decades ago. The downtown area has become a destination for Seattleites seeking a quaint, charming shopping experience, and the 52,000-resident city just southwest of Sea-Tac Airport has become a haven for homebuyers seeking…
Best Companies To Work For: Large
The top company prioritizes community service. And movies.
This is a list of large companies. For midsize companies, click here. For small companies, click here. LARGE COMPANIES: 150-plus full-time Washington employees 1.Icertis Technology, Bellevue CEO: Samir Bodas The company, which refers to its workers as “Icertians,” prioritizes community service. Icertis employees last year volunteered to clean up a local park for Earth Day, and…
Best Companies To Work For: Medium
Snacks, swag and a focus on employee engagement
This is a list of midsize companies. For large companies, click here. For small companies, click here. MIDSIZE COMPANIES: 50-149 full-time Washington employees 1.Omnidian Solar energy, Seattle CEO: Mark Liffmann Monthlong wellness initiatives and online hosted games and activities keep the team humming at Omnidian. The company says 40% of its employees received promotions last…