How to Survive the Viaduct Closure

How to get by during the looming 'period of maximum constraint'
| FROM THE PRINT EDITION |
 
 

This article appears in print in the January 2019 issue. Click here to subscribe.

Think of it as Y2K for Seattle traffic: the imminent gridlock that’s predicted for the three-week period when the downtown slice of State Route 99 is shut down, starting on January 11, in preparation for the opening of the tunnel that will replace it. But worry not; we’ve devised a few smart strategies to keep you moving and minimize your personal impact on traffic.

1. Get your helicopter license and fly to work.
The view’s better up there anyway—and, hey, there’s a landing pad at Harborview Medical Center, just a few blocks from downtown.

2. Commute by kayak.
If you live by a navigatable body of water and aren’t doing this already, you’re part of the problem. Water averse? Try hoverboarding or segueing to work

3. Buy a drone to run your errands. 
Or train your pets to bring you those things you would normally retrieve by car.

4. Camp out at work. 
Take the work/life balance to the next level and just move into the office. Your boss will appreciate the commitment; besides, you practically live there already.

5. Brush up on your excuses to stay home from work. 
May we suggest: “I just googled my commute time, and it looks like I’ll be in at around 8 p.m.” Or, “I’ve joined Greenpeace to fight carbon emissions.” Or, “Uber says it’s about $250 to ride in.”

6. Quit your job and look for employment close to home. 
That way, you can walk to work. Problem solved.

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